Calm before the storm

The day has started off very relaxed and calm. While I seem to still be having trouble staying asleep all night, it does allow me to wake up during the calm of the morning and get some things finished.

Last week, I was really off my game. I did not have the energy to do much of anything.

  • I would not get out of bed at any set time.
    • Even after not being able to sleep a full night.
  • I would not exercise beyond 30ish minutes a day.
  • I would not leave the house.
  • I did not really even text, Tweet, or socialize.

My biggest fear was not keeping the promises that I made to myself about being active. So, I made sure that I followed through with that, even tho some days were a huge struggle.

I’m back…?

This blog has not been different from any of my others. I really have (what I think is an amazing idea) and I put in the initial investment of setting up the servers and getting the website online. Then, I get bored and give things up.

I should have been using this blog to get things out of my head. To escape from these four walls that I am stuck in. I am not sure this is a COVID side-effect, I think this is an introvert side-effect.

Does it make a difference that I truly want to break free? That I would like to become more extroverted?


The lack of interaction with people is really taking a toll on me. I thought I was unsettled before, I’m extremely unsettled now. I never imagined that I would miss going to work. I have tried to stay in touch with people, but, I keep going stir-crazy.

I’m ready for this whole thing to be over, and I am ready to start socializing. I keep thinking about all of the plans I avoided because I didn’t want to socialize. I promise, I’ll try not to do that again.

I joined a local discord, but, it seems weird. Plus everyone shows their junk. I’m not sure I grew up in a time where that was acceptable?

Why is it so hard to find normal people?

I knew it!

I know I have said it before, and I knew I would do it with this blog. I do all of the setups, then I get bored and forget about it.

Perhaps I should backdate all of my life and make you think it happened real-time. 🙂 Or, I should just start fresh. Oh boy, what to do.. what to do.

Either way, I am back. I’m going to try and keep up with this and do daily posts.

Quarantine Madness

As you read through this, I’m sure I am no different than anyone else during this Global Pandemic. There have to be a ton of people who are single and having to go through this alone.

It has been over 30 days since I’ve had any real contact with the outside world. Unless we’re counting random people at a drive-thru as real contact, perhaps I should have taken a poll.

I should be walking outside more during this. Keeping non-traditional hours makes walking difficult. The non-traditional hours also make it difficult to interact with people.

Recently, I’ve met a couple of people from some new Discord groups. You talk with someone for like four days only to find out half of the things they told you were a lie. I don’t really understand the point of starting it all off with a lie.

Do people truly expect that after the entire foundational relationship that has been built can just change? When you tell people where you’re from, it should be real. When you tell people your name, it should be real. When you tell people your age, it should be real.

You can’t build that foundation and then just tear it out from under the friendship, and expect things to remain the same.

I guess one thing remains the same, we’re both still lonely and just wanting to have some interaction with some other human.

Emotions have been running very high. Lonely, starting to become sad, missing human interaction, emptiness, despair, and having to stay hidden from other humans.

Humans. Contact me. I need interaction.

26 January 2020

As the month draws to a close, I’ll take a little time to reflect. I’ll just admit defeat, I’ll try not to make this into a pity party for myself. Every week I seem to tell myself I need to change a few things. Simple things. Really simple things.

Simple things, that I just tell myself “next week”, I pretend to make a plan, go through the week and do it all over again. My list is simple:

  • Get a full nights sleep, wake up, and not nap until work.
  • Make a shopping list. A healthy shopping list.
  • Go shopping.

I make lists, or, I start to make the list. I guess in my head the ritual of making the list is enough.

Is it normal to make so many excuses to not eat healthy? I need to finish eating the groceries I just bought. Among others.

I think I’m serious this time. 😉 I’m going to do this. Just after I finish the food I just bought. I’m going to purchase a 5-day meal plan and stick to it.

If I just surround myself with food options that are on the meal plan, it will just be simple. Right?

Again? Yup

I always do this. I get the blog setup, then I run away.

This blog setup seems to be broken somehow. That’s what I get for using a One-Click install. The themes aren’t rendering, and each theme just appears white.

Is white the new black? I thought orange was the new black?

Since my last post, the only new drama I have was with my boss. Who would have thought that I don’t get along with my boss.

I’ve always attempted to give respect for the man, for the position, because it’s what I should do. Employees should respect their bosses, normally.

But what happens when you ask your boss for direction and instead of your boss giving you direction, it’s just redirection. Who do you turn to when your boss isn’t capable of being a boss?

I’ve just started to be more obvious about the fact he has lost all of my respect. I’ll sit at my desk and wait for upper management to replace him and get us a real boss.

Just another manic Thursday

I still feel like I’m just rolling through work on zombie mode. I really can’t think of one thing I’ve done this week other than over-sleep and go to work. I did get Starbucks today, I wonder if that counts as doing something different?

I had a poor night of sleep. In return, I’ve been dragging through the entire day. Not only that, I took a nap right after I woke up. I know I said I would stop. I wonder if it’s the sun, or, my lack of sun exposure.

I have a fancy light therapy lamp to help prevent being SAD getting seasonal affective disorder. I need to dig it out of the closet and actually use it. I tend to do that often, buy things and then file them away. It’s almost like the almonds I buy. I picked some up at the store, I haven’t eaten any of them, but, I’ve already ordered more.

I wonder if that means something. Hm.