Strange experience — Helping a friend

I have spent the last week out of town helping a friend recover from a surgery. I knew it would be a bag of mixed-feelings from the start, but, I never knew how much I would resent him.

There are so many years of a backstory, it would be hard to put in one blog post. But, I could sum our friendship up in a few bullet points:

  • Co-workers
    • A long time ago, he and I worked together. We formed a close work-friendship bond that has lasted time.
  • Similar upbringing
    • Both grew up in a small town.
    • Both wanted to escape.
    • Both have a self destructive tendencies.
      • I grew out of mine many years ago.
      • He grew into his… as recent as this last week.
  • Similar medical condition
    • No escaping it, other than surgery.
      • The surgery is only 20% in the recovery to escape the medical condition.
      • The other 80% of success comes from you and how you live your life daily.
      • Failing to execute the daily changes will result in 100% failure and make the painful surgery pointless.

In the past, I have gone on some vacations with him and other friends, and after day or two, it gets weird. I was expecting the weird factor to increase and come on hot and heavy the longer I was around him.

I was right.

While our medical condition was similar, the treatment (including the surgery) was/is different. The pre & post surgery care instructions vary based on doctor. So while it is hard to compare apples to apples during this post, there are some foundational things that he refused to partake in.

Even before his surgery date, he would make excuses for why he wouldn’t do pieces that were foundational for my surgery. His excuse was always, they told me (his care team) that it wouldn’t matter for him. So, he wouldn’t do it.

I wasn’t expecting that to continue even after surgery. There are some things after surgery that are basic medical fundamentals. For example, after surgery you have to get up and walk around.

Obviously, this doesn’t happen instantly. You have to wait until the a bulk pain is gone, accepting you just underwent major surgery, and you’re not going to be 100% pain free.


Him: “This is too much trouble…” (to get the nurse to help him out of bed) “…I’ll just wait and walk in my halls at home.”

When he gets home, is it any different? Sort of. The excuse of, “It’s too much trouble” was gone. He would just refuse to do it.

When I try to give him advice, he ignored it. To the point, I just told myself. “Stop”. At one point, I gave him advice and he mocked it. You know the way, as you’re saying it, they finish the sentence in that bitchy know it all voice.

To which I said, “Oh, so you already know the advice, you just refuse to take it. Got it! That was my last piece of advice”

Well, I’m now at home and feeling great. I feel blessed to have had the surgery, I felt blessed to have the support system that I had. I was hoping that I would be able to help him share in the same success that I had. But, that ship has sailed.

Calm before the storm

The day has started off very relaxed and calm. While I seem to still be having trouble staying asleep all night, it does allow me to wake up during the calm of the morning and get some things finished.

Last week, I was really off my game. I did not have the energy to do much of anything.

  • I would not get out of bed at any set time.
    • Even after not being able to sleep a full night.
  • I would not exercise beyond 30ish minutes a day.
  • I would not leave the house.
  • I did not really even text, Tweet, or socialize.

My biggest fear was not keeping the promises that I made to myself about being active. So, I made sure that I followed through with that, even tho some days were a huge struggle.

I’m back…?

This blog has not been different from any of my others. I really have (what I think is an amazing idea) and I put in the initial investment of setting up the servers and getting the website online. Then, I get bored and give things up.

I should have been using this blog to get things out of my head. To escape from these four walls that I am stuck in. I am not sure this is a COVID side-effect, I think this is an introvert side-effect.

Does it make a difference that I truly want to break free? That I would like to become more extroverted?


The lack of interaction with people is really taking a toll on me. I thought I was unsettled before, I’m extremely unsettled now. I never imagined that I would miss going to work. I have tried to stay in touch with people, but, I keep going stir-crazy.

I’m ready for this whole thing to be over, and I am ready to start socializing. I keep thinking about all of the plans I avoided because I didn’t want to socialize. I promise, I’ll try not to do that again.

I joined a local discord, but, it seems weird. Plus everyone shows their junk. I’m not sure I grew up in a time where that was acceptable?

Why is it so hard to find normal people?