The day has started off very relaxed and calm. While I seem to still be having trouble staying asleep all night, it does allow me to wake up during the calm of the morning and get some things finished.
Last week, I was really off my game. I did not have the energy to do much of anything.
- I would not get out of bed at any set time.
- Even after not being able to sleep a full night.
- I would not exercise beyond 30ish minutes a day.
- I would not leave the house.
- I did not really even text, Tweet, or socialize.
My biggest fear was not keeping the promises that I made to myself about being active. So, I made sure that I followed through with that, even tho some days were a huge struggle.
Or am I?
It is hard for me to keep up with this.
But, I have set a blogging reminder. Don’t worry, I set it for my work hours, so I’ll just block off time to blog.
This blog has not been different from any of my others. I really have (what I think is an amazing idea) and I put in the initial investment of setting up the servers and getting the website online. Then, I get bored and give things up.
I should have been using this blog to get things out of my head. To escape from these four walls that I am stuck in. I am not sure this is a COVID side-effect, I think this is an introvert side-effect.
Does it make a difference that I truly want to break free? That I would like to become more extroverted?
The lack of interaction with people is really taking a toll on me. I thought I was unsettled before, I’m extremely unsettled now. I never imagined that I would miss going to work. I have tried to stay in touch with people, but, I keep going stir-crazy.
I’m ready for this whole thing to be over, and I am ready to start socializing. I keep thinking about all of the plans I avoided because I didn’t want to socialize. I promise, I’ll try not to do that again.
I joined a local discord, but, it seems weird. Plus everyone shows their junk. I’m not sure I grew up in a time where that was acceptable?
Why is it so hard to find normal people?
As you read through this, I’m sure I am no different than anyone else during this Global Pandemic. There have to be a ton of people who are single and having to go through this alone.
It has been over 30 days since I’ve had any real contact with the outside world. Unless we’re counting random people at a drive-thru as real contact, perhaps I should have taken a poll.
I should be walking outside more during this. Keeping non-traditional hours makes walking difficult. The non-traditional hours also make it difficult to interact with people.
Recently, I’ve met a couple of people from some new Discord groups. You talk with someone for like four days only to find out half of the things they told you were a lie. I don’t really understand the point of starting it all off with a lie.
Do people truly expect that after the entire foundational relationship that has been built can just change? When you tell people where you’re from, it should be real. When you tell people your name, it should be real. When you tell people your age, it should be real.
You can’t build that foundation and then just tear it out from under the friendship, and expect things to remain the same.
I guess one thing remains the same, we’re both still lonely and just wanting to have some interaction with some other human.
Emotions have been running very high. Lonely, starting to become sad, missing human interaction, emptiness, despair, and having to stay hidden from other humans.
Humans. Contact me. I need interaction.